


protect.

by paokous



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: 707 Route Spoilers, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Depression, F/M, Mentions of other MysMes routes, Slow Burn-ish, Unrequited Love, where mc/you has actually gone through a supposed V route without realizing it, will have a slight mix of Jumin's route, yes hello 707 and MC are platonic soulmates here ok it'S SO IMPORTANT
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-11-22
Packaged: 2018-08-23 18:16:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8337820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paokous/pseuds/paokous
Summary: Lips pull into a shaky smile, trembling fingertips grasping onto his cheeks. You won't let him be the martyr. Not anymore."You're not allowed to die. I still haven't had the chance to get to know you, yet." -- Where MC is vaguely aware of the resets & instinctively saves V's life. Where V realizes that sometimes it's okay to be alive to atone for his mistakes.





	1. let's not be martyrs.

**Author's Note:**

> My first Mystic Messenger!! I've been so enraptured by it. V's captured my heart & I just!! want him to be safe and happy!!
> 
> Even if it's just here.
> 
> Just a warning that there WILL be mentions of pretty much every route in this story, as MC will be confusing one route to another. Too many resets can do that to a person.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> because we both need to live in order to get to know each other again.

All of your answers, your actions -- had they all been pre-determined?

It had been an absentminded thought that had appeared whilst your fingers twitched anxiously. You watch the enraged youth wave his gun without a care, shoulders stiffening as you recall what will happen. ( _You're almost certain this has happened before._ Why is what's happening now so clear in your memories?)

You hear Luciel -- .. (No, that's not right. His name is Saeyoung. And that--- that's his brother.)

'... _How do I know this?'_

It's not because he had told you earlier. No. It's as if he had said it much before. As if you had stood beside Saeyoung once upon a time facing the same thing you're facing now. There are yells of desperation and panicked pleas, and yet you could do nothing.

It's supposed to be the first time you've truly encountered Rika. Rika, the one the RFA holds so dearly to their hearts.

And yet all you can remember is quiet rage when she had first been mentioned in the chat a couple of days ago. Nine days? Ten? You had wondered back then where the feeling of frustration had come from. You remember now.

Just how many times have you experienced this scene? Why didn't you realize until now?

And why can't your body _move_? (You  _need_ it to move. It's  **important** , but you can't remember why.)

A sense of dread fills the pit of your stomach as Saeran shakily raises his gun, a determined gleam beneath his crazed expression. And as it faces and readies to aim, a pounding headache arises. A quiet whimper passes your lips, and you're suddenly hit with a feeling of regret.

_How can you regret something that hasn't happened, yet?_

It's the blurred color of a pleasantly clear ocean that snaps your thoughts back in place, the sight of _his_ hair serving as a blunt reminder. Your heart pounds as you gaze at his gentle figure, throat becoming parched. 

It hits you like a  **BULLET**. 

 

_**BANG!!!** _

_**\--** _

_**..** _

That's right. You remember now. 

It's a difficult pull to swallow, really. Because you've met him so many times before, just as you did with the other RFA members. Or so you think. The line between reality and illusion becomes blurred when it comes to the past 10 days. As if you've been living them repeatedly-- a never-ending cycle of introductions and heartache. 

Even now you're still unsure as to how any of this works. 

\--...  **All you know is that this time, you had wished to come back here.** To come back to this point in time to stop it from happening again. Vague flashes of the photographer smiling demurely at you, of him settled comfortably at your side after a long day of work causes your heart to ache.

You know there is more to this than 11 days. ( _That's where these other memories are coming from._ )

You're determined to figure out how to get his lips to quirk into a small simper as he whispers reassurances. " _It's because of you that I'm giving this life a second chance._ " 

Is it selfish to want to help him? To get to know him just as some of the others had?

Your ears are ringing as crimson spills from your lips, a loud cough shaking your trembling form. The shocked cry of your name reminds you of the terrible pain you feel, the palm of your hand immediately reaching towards the wound to place pressure against it.

You had taken the bullet for him.

A shadow falls over your curled up figure, a warm hand pressing against your cheek. It's difficult to miss the quiet trembling of his fingertips -- and despite the fact that he's practically blind, you're almost certain he can see the mess of  _CRIMSON_ upon your pale form. 

" _Why?_ "

You can't help your quiet laughter despite the terrible pain you're in. (You'll be alright. You're sure of it.) What's most important is that he's still breathing. That he actually does have a chance to keep going. Peering at him through heavy-lidded eyes, you offer a shaky smile. 

" _You're not allowed to die. I still haven't had the chance to get to know you, yet_."

As darkness overcomes you, you faintly recall something. 

 _Jihyun Kim._ His name is Jihyun Kim. 

You feel butterflies in the pit of your stomach as you remember how his lips had curved into the most brilliant grin when he had first revealed it.

\--  _Odd_. You're almost certain that nothing like that has happened before.

 _Perhaps it was another illusion blurred between the memories_. 


	2. it's okay.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \-- to not be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was so exciting to see people leaving kudos!! I'm so grateful to hear any kind of response & will do my best to update this as frequently as possible.

It's the warmth laced around your fingers that wake you. Despite your aching muscles and bones, his small gesture of comfort keeps your heart at ease. His thumb carefully rubs soothing circles along the back of your hand, and you quietly ponder why he's treating you as if you're made of glass.

You can't _see_ him, but you know who it is.

( _There is no one else who could possibly hold your hand so gently_.)

 ~~That's a lie. Don't you remember Zen's embrace?~~  
~~His gentle touches? How he treated you like a **PRINCESS**? ~~

Abrupt memories of ruby eyes gazing endearingly at you brings forth a soft groan. It's too much to remember things that have never _happened_. (At least, not in these 11 days. Not in this timeline. Or did it?) Your head is _pounding_ from recalling the musical actor in all of his glory, the charismatic simper that curves his lips when you catch his eye. As if you are all that exists in his world -- and the only thing that matters.

But when eyes blearily open, vision fuzzy from lack of use, it's not silver hair you see. A brilliant turquoise causes your heart to stutter, and you're suddenly reminded of where the physical distress upon your weakened form had come from.

The look of shock had been apparent on Saeran's pale visage when the bullet made contact with  _you_ instead of V. And _BOY_ , did it hurt when it went through you. (The sight of the photographer alive and well is enough to push your mind away from the strain your body feels, however.) There is wavering relief within his eyes as he hears you shift from your position beneath white hospital sheets, his fingers coming to rest against your wrist simply to feel the pulse underneath warm flesh. It's proof that you're still here -- just as much as he is.

"You're awake."

His voice is husky. How long has he been there?

' _No. No, more important than that --- you're **ALIVE**._ '

For a moment, you simply take him in. The way he gazes at you tenderly fools you. (You know better than to think that he can truly  _SEE_ you.) But you had done it somehow. Managed to convince your frozen figure to move just as Luciel's twin brother had readied himself. Managed to protect him from meeting the misery fate had planned for him. Panic is quick to stiffen the older male's shoulders as he hears you sniffling after a moment of comforting silence, and V is quick to stand, ready to find a nurse for you.

"D- Does it hurt? Just give me a moment. I'll find someone to help you quick."

The moment he rouses from his spot at your bedside, shaky fingers tug at the soft material of his cardigan out of quiet protest. He falters, thrown off by your sudden movement. Hazy eyes glance over his shoulder to get a glimpse of your blurry frame. With how dire his sight has become, it's difficult to see the expression on your face. His entire form is still as your lips part.

"I'm okay. Really. I'm just .. "

_His breath hitches._

"-- I'm just so happy that you're still alive."

You're not crying from how _SORE_ your muscles are. It isn't pain that brings tears. The simple cause of what stains your cheeks is **HIM** , and he wonders what prayer he had given to bring you into his life. (Because without you, he would have surely died back there.) Even now, the gifted photographer is unsure as to why you had risked your life for his. It's not as if you've known him for long or even at all. At least, not in the way that you had with the rest of the RFA.

And even more so than that -- he had surely been put in a **DARKER** light after all the misunderstandings he had failed to correct. So why are you so quick to defend him? Why had you jumped out that day, when he had been ready to give his life to the _RFA_? To **RIKA**?

He finds himself trembling again, cheek turning to face forward once more. Question after question fills his thoughts as brows furrow. He cannot understand the extent of your kindness. ( ~~He doesn't realize the extent of his _OWN_.~~ ) You stare at his back, watching his shoulders tense as he takes in a shuddered breath.

"Why did you leap out like that?  To do something as dangerous as that -- I can't understand it."

' ~~ _You should have let me die_~~.'

He wonders when he started to _wait_ for death. When he had become so _accepting_ of it. When did life become something he could throw away without a care?

(" _ **Even if you strangle my neck, blind my eyes and break my limbs... I will still love you.**_ ")

Every day had been a joy to live; a gift from God. When did that change? A choked sob passes the usually mild-mannered artist as he brings a hand up to cover the sounds of his despair. The sound of his muffled sorrow breaks your heart as he refuses to face you. He's ashamed of his behavior, crushed by the overwhelming despondence that has built up within the depths of his gentle soul. He wants nothing more than to have given his life to a better cause, and yet --

Here he is now. Alive, unable to see the colors that had made his world so vibrant.

Unable to see _Rika_ in all of her beauty and grace.

_What do you do when you've lost the ability to appreciate the things you love the most? The person most precious to you?_

His taller form is rigid as your arms shakily wrap around his waist, pressing your cheek against the slender curve of his back. The image of V's demure simper flashes in your mind, and your grip on him tightens. "Because you would have done the same if it had been a member of the RFA. What's there not to understand? Isn't it normal to be kind to someone who would do the same for you?"

He offers no form of reply, but you knows he's listening. He isn't the type to brush someone away.

\-- ..How can you believe that so definitely? It's as if something **SPEAKS** to you from within the deep recesses of your heart, and you can only believe in it. That this feeling that you have _comes_ from somewhere, just as much as your other memories do. (Or are they illusions? You're still unsure.)

"I know things aren't okay right now. Actually, life has been really hard up until now, hasn't it?" you murmur, warm breath grazing his cardigan. "But you're still here. You survived. Isn't that something to be proud of?"

You pause for a moment, hoping your words will sink in -- and slowly your arms release the careful embrace. The door to your hospital room opens as you ease yourself back into bed, taking a seat at the edge. You pull your gaze away from the solemn male's back, and you can't help the small smile that reaches you lips as familiar faces are revealed. The absolute relief within their eyes makes your heart skip a beat. (To think you had something like a  _family_.) Your name easily slips from their mouths as they all but charge forward, eagerly stepping in to check on you.

"You're awake! Since when?"

"This is great. The princess wakes!"

There is nothing but laughter and smiles as they crowd you, though some prefer to stand in the back and simply watch. Yoosung bears no hesitation as he takes a seat beside you, a radiant grin curving his lips whilst violet eyes seem to **GLOW** with happiness. Zen is quick to grasp onto your hand with care, offering reassuring words. Their presence _refreshes_ you. The sincere smile upon Jaehee's lips and the content expression on Jumin's face has butterflies fluttering at the pit of your stomach. 

You want nothing more than to spend the rest of your days with them.

\--

...

 

_You quietly wish that V will be a part of this happiness, too._

 

 

' _Please, let him have this second chance at life properly._ ' 


	3. am i crazy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> that's a possibility.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've tried to put V into a more realistic state of mind after everything that's happened based on experiences I've had myself. it's hard to recover from years of mental abuse and from trying to stay by the side of someone who is toxic to you. of course V will continue to be that caring, gentle soul that he is!! 
> 
> but man, depression sucks.
> 
> and also MC's constant swirl of memories from all the resets she's had must confuse her a lot

' _How are you supposed to live when half the time, you feel as if you can't **breathe**?_ '

He can't remember the last time his heart's skipped a beat for an occasion of happiness. Simply a dull throb against his rib cage as he watched the one he adored the most **SUFFER**. (Because doesn't he deserve to suffer, too? To deteriorate as much as she has?)

It's what he gets for being unable to save her. For only being able to offer words and nothing more. He promised to stay by her side until the ends of the Earth -- until they're dead and decayed, their souls uplifted so that they may meet beneath the sun again one day. Yet all he sees is _grey_ now, the occasional blur of color reaching his eyes to torture him. The comforting warmth that used to sit beside him, just close enough for him to run his slender digits through golden locks, is lone gone now.

The cold space a reminder of what he's lost.

He's pulled away from his thoughts as you place the tea set down before him, tucking strands of loose hair behind your ear afterwards. Your blurred form comes closer, distorted shapes becoming clearer. Concerned eyes peer up at him through thick lashes, and he realizes how close you must be if he can see the gorgeous stain of pink you've chosen to adorn on your lips today. It's only when you reach out to brush at his cheeks that he understands.

He's crying.

His tears are pushed aside as your thumbs press against his warm skin, and a soft sigh parts rosy lips. An uneasy smile graces your visage before you pull away from him, quietly taking a seat beside him on the couch.

_It's warm by his side, but it's not the same._

( ~~IT'S NOT RIKA.~~ )

' _Stop thinking about her. Stop._ '

Despite how uncomfortable the presence of others may be to him nowadays, _yours_ is an exception for some unspoken reason. Perhaps just as much as Jumin's can be. ( _And maybe if he didn't seem like such a_ _ **TRAITOR**_ _back then, even Luciel would be one_. ~~No, the guilt would drown him~~.) The darkness inside of him continues to swallow his every thought, every lingering comment a nasty comeback against himself. The palm of his hand rubs gently at the corners of his eyes to rid of his physical despair before he lifts his gaze to meet your fuzzy expression with an apologetic smile.

"Excuse me. I don't know what came over me." he murmurs, voice sincere. "Even though I'm supposed to be here taking care of you."

The sound of your quiet laughter lifts the weight off his shoulders just enough for him to **BREATHE** again, and despite the joy it should bring him, he's afraid. Terrified that he'll drag you down with his disgusting state of depression. Your hand presses reassuringly against his knee, giving it a light squeeze. "It's okay. I'm more concerned for you than I am for my own injury at this point. It's been a good two weeks since I've been released from the hospital. Honestly, I'm not sure why it's necessary for all of you to keep an eye on me still, but -- "

The genuine gratitude gives your voice a soothing lilt, and he knows your smile must be brilliant right now.

" -- It makes me happy knowing that the RFA is here for me."

"Of course we will be. You're one of us, after all."

The trickling sound of hot tea being poured into porcelain cups captures his attention, though it's interrupted by the familiar ring of his phone paired with yours. He listens in comfortable silence as you put the tea pot down, most likely to check your phone. The simple fact that both had rang at the same time indicated that a conversation has started on the RFA application. Your stifled chortle averts his gaze towards you, his own lips quirking into the tiniest hint of a smile.

He's come to appreciate the ability to _hear_ happiness much more since his loss of sight. The melodious sound of your mirth never fails to bring him a moment of peace. "Did something happen?"

"Oh! It's just the usual. Zen and Jumin are arguing about needless things again."

"They can be a little difficult to bear with at times, but they mean well."

"I know."

( _Oh, you know very well_.)

How the offsetting Jumin can lavish you with adoration, his genuine affection shown through subtle actions. How the charming and easily angered Zen treats you with such tender care without worrying about others' opinions. Eyes shut tightly as the flashes of memories start to pile up, overwhelming you. The pain at the back of your head returns as your heart aches out of longing. Your shoulders stiffen as selfish desire tingles down your spine, and you force yourself to focus on reality.

 **Stopstop** \-- ( _These memories aren't mine._ ) 

You exit the chat without saying a word to the other members, a terrible ache in your gut. Fingers tighten their grip over the black screen of a locked phone as you take in a deep breath. Confusion reigns over your desire to keep a cheery facade in front of _Jihyun_ and --

Jihyun? That name again. _How do you know it so well?_ It's  **persistent** , this voice nagging at the back of your head. 

"Is something wrong?"

 

...

 ..

 

 

 _Your name leaves his lips, his eyes a gorgeous shade of clear water. And he's_ **_looking_ ** _at you with the most radiant smile curving his lips._

_"It's you that makes these pictures even more stunning than usual. Can't you see that?"_

 

 

 

 

 _Your name leaves his lips_ , dulled eyes gazing at you with a troubled expression. You've been silent for too long now, and he's beginning to grow worried. A hand rests against the curve of your shoulder, and you gasp. Shaken by the fuzzy illusion that had just occurred, your form falls back to brush off his sweet gesture. An awkward silence fills the air as your heart beats unsteadily, his hand still lingering from where your figure used to be.

If not for the poor lighting, perhaps you would have seen the hurt beneath his visible eye as he pulls his hand away.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to surprise you. You seemed troubled, and I was worried."

 

 

You take advantage of the fact that he can't see very well.  
(You forget that he could probably _HEAR_ it in your voice.)

 

"It's okay. I guess the wound still aches a little."

 

You're not okay. ~~But neither is he.~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!! & if there's any feedback you want to give, please don't hesitate to give it!


	4. one step forward.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> forget the two steps back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >would crush my soul for V's chance at happiness
> 
> also this is a more lighthearted chapter so -- listen to zen's theme throughout the entirety of it to give you a nice, relaxing vibe.

Fingers grasp onto the door handle, the quiet ' _click_!' bringing the door open to reveal your petite figure waiting for him expectantly on the other side. V peers down at you with his visible eye, simply greeting you in silence. It doesn't take long for the gentle photographer to acquiesce. A soft sigh parts V's lips, and he smiles wearily. He expected no one else but _you_ to be standing at his doorstep, just as you have done for the past month.

 

He admires your tenacity. (He's afraid to admit that it's _WORKING_.)

 

Your name slips out of his lips in a sweet lilt as he opens the door further. Though you've simply come to reprimand him for the lack of self-care, he dreads the day you stop lavishing him with your kindness. (Is that  **SELFISH** of him to say? ~~He doesn't deserve your sincerity~~.) "It's good to have your company as always. Please, make yourself at home." 

 

The way your lips quirk upward to reveal a brilliant smile makes the doubt in his heart waver. It's one of the rare moments of gentle serenity he gets to experience in this dreary way of living. As you step inside, you make your intentions clear just as you have the past couple of visits. "It's good to see that you look well today. Everyone's worried about you. Have you gone to see the doctor that Jumin had so tediously searched for?" 

 

He brings a hand up, palm rubbing the back of his neck gingerly. Perhaps it's time to break the news to you?

 

"I have, actually."

 

"Like I said, you'll _have_ to go eventually! Jumin and I are both determined to -- ... " chiding words come to a halt as you process the answer he had given you. It's not the usual ' _No, I haven't_.' or ' _I don't plan to._ ' that you had been waiting for. Abruptly do you face him, eyes wide and mouth gaping open. "Wait, so you've actually gone?"

 

"Only a few days ago. But, yes. Jumin went with me. I told him to keep it a surprise from you."

 

Your narrowed eyes evoke a chuckle from his lips, broad shoulders quietly trembling as V allows himself to openly laugh at your incredulous expression. The way you express yourself never fails to leave the benign artist craving for  _more_. "That trust-fund kid-- _!!_ Ah, don't tell him I called him that behind his back. But honestly _!!_ For you two to keep it a secret from me." you start to ramble on, his dull cerulean eye staring intently at you as the corners of his mouth quirked upwards. "I was worried, you know? I mean, you're a  _PHOTOGRAPHER_ , V. To lose your sight completely would just be -- .."

 

( _Who did he pray to for such a Godsend_?)

 

 

 

" _With how concerned she is, it's almost hard to believe that we've only known her for so long_." _Jumin remarks, back pressed against the comforts of his cushioned seat. The usual blank expression is lightened with the tiniest hint of a smirk. "Don't you think she deserves to have you grant her small request, after all that she's gone through? Why don't you listen to her?"_

 

_" -- .. Even you, Jumin?" a soft chortle leaves his seated form, eyes averting to the blurry form before him. "Maybe I should then, just to ease both of your hearts."_

 

 

 

Your lingering thoughts disappear as you realize that he's stopped listening, and a light huff parts rosy lips. With crossed arms, you dare to glare up at the taller male -- but it only holds for so long. Who could blame you for feeling such an overwhelming state of excitement? His pale complexion now exudes a healthy glow, the dark circles beneath his eyes fading just the slightest as an indication that he's _trying_. For his disposition to change in such a drastic manner over your past several visits, you can't help but be **proud**.

 

_Is this the V that Jumin remembers most? The V that Zen has spoken of with admiration?_

 

No matter the case, his tender radiance turns your cheeks a rosy red. ( _What? Why am I ---_ ) You are quick to turn your back towards him, the palms of your hands resting against flushed skin. Maybe rubbing them will cause the warmth to disappear? **GOD** , it's only making it worse.

 

"I'm sorry we hid it from you. I only meant to surprise you, since I knew you would come today." A hand rests on your shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze. Your heart traitorously skips a beat. (What are you _THINKING_? ~~**There's still Rika in his heart**~~ ~~~~.) He murmurs your name softly, and a nervous tingle travels down your spine. "Won't you forgive me?"

 

 

 _"Won't you forgive me?" the teasing lilt beneath his low murmur is a stark contrast to the words leaving his lips. You_ **adore** _the way his sparkling sapphire eyes gaze at you with such affection. Long digits weave through your hair before pulling away, giving loose strands a playful twirl. "I'll buy you your most favorite dessert as compensation."_

_His head dips, half-lidded eyes searching yours as you feel his warm breath against the corner of your lips. "Or -- .. do you want a kiss instead?"_

**_thumpthumpthump_ **

 

 

W--- What was **THAT**? Your head is pounding as much as your _heart_ is at this point. You hope a furious shake of your head would rid of both the images and the incoming headache. There is feigned disappointment in his tone as he speaks, jolting you out of your dreams. "Ah, so you won't forgive me?"

 

"Wh-- No, that's not what I was -- .. I mean..." Lips purse together as words fail you, eyes finally meeting his. To think that those wicked illusions could cause such havoc. Embarrassment adorns your cheeks in the most adorable pink glow, he stifles his laughter. "I'll forgive you if you...treat me to a parfait."

 

Curious eyes blink at you naively, taking in as much of your expression as he can. A chuckle leaves his throat, and you feel your ears burn at his reaction. "A parfait, huh? I think I can do something as simple as that." For a moment, there is only the sound of his footsteps as he wanders to the couch, fingers extending out to grasp onto the jacket thrown casually over the arm cushion. "How about we go now, then?"

 

"Now?" You're taken by surprise, but follow him to the door with a flustered expression. "T--That sounds good _!_ And you can tell me more about how your appointment with the doctor went while we're at it. I want to hear all about it."

 

"I'll be sure to confide in you."

 

You pray to _GOD_ your voice sounds normal because the way your heart is beating sporadically says otherwise. Can he see the _shame_ you feel? Feel the heavy weight upon your shoulders for your heart's selfish desire to embrace him with longing and affection?

  
( _TH-THUMP, TH-THUMP_.)

 

... Maybe a breath of fresh air would do you some good.

 

 

 

  
You miss the way he smiles at you tenderly from behind as you rush forward to hide your reddened cheeks once more.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote 3 chapters of sad so i'm making it up with a lightly fluffy chapter...ish


	5. it's hard to miss.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \-- the intensity in his eyes when he's gazing at her.
> 
> side: JUMIN HAN.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i,,, had to add a few more tags

His friend's lighthearted expression evokes a peaceful mind and an unsteady heart. He forgets the last time he's seen the photographer speak so tenderly to another person. ( ~~That's a LIE.~~ _It had been Rika back then._ ) Dark eyes travel from his companion crowned in turquoise to the sweet and amiable soul that composes of YOU. 

 

 _You_ , made up of inexplicable kindness and sultry naïveté.   
**YOU** , who sparks every curiosity in his mind.

 

For once more in his life filled with nothing but materialistic and greedy people, he's found another soul to bond with. One just as sincere as V and as charismatic as Rika. He wants to know _EVERYTHING_ about you. Perhaps that's why he's allowed himself the chance to get closer to you? He finds himself talking to you often when he had time to spare, whether through calls or chats in the RFA application. He's not afraid to be himself in your presence.

 

Because with you --- _he doesn't have to worry about you never being his_.  
A pure and wise heart, untouched by another, is seated before him. ( **HE DOESN'T WANT TO LET GO**.)

 

The feeling of wanting to _protect_ you grows stronger, his careful gaze on your soft features as rosy lips part to release melodious laughter. The way your eyes meet his in a comfortable glance made his insides _churn_. Can you see all the **UGLY** inside of him? Can you see his everything? Anxiety and happiness twist together as his breath unconsciously hitches once you grace him with a demure smile. The quiet chime of your voice sends delightful shivers down his spine. "Don't you agree, Jumin?"

 

"Hm?"

 

" _Aaahh_!! You weren't listening!" you're quick to call him out, the photographer seated beside you stifling his laughter at how easily you reprimanded his childhood companion. ( _Don't get so close to her so suddenly._ ) "He clearly wasn't listening, V. Look at that expression on his face!"

 

"You'll have to excuse him." Fingers curl, tightening into a fist from beneath the table. He sees the way V smiles at you. What's with the sudden irritation he feels, he wonders. **He doesn't like the way his closest friend is looking at you, as if you're the only person he sees**. He doesn't like the way he says your name so sweetly. "He seems to be lost in his thoughts. Most likely thinking of work."

 

"Work? At a time like this? You should take a break once in a while." The way you chide him playfully causes his lip to quirk into the tiniest hint of a smile. "I'm sure the company will be fine without you for an hour. Besides, this is a time to celebrate! V is getting his surgery done in a couple of days."

 

"It's not certain how well it will go -- but it'll be a miracle to see again."

 

"We all wish for your smooth recovery." he remarks, tipping the wine glass pressed against his lower lip for a sip. "Be sure to take good care of yourself, so you don't worry her." ( _The less she worries, the more time she'll have elsewhere._ )

 

"You're right. I'd hate to trouble you further."

 

The quiet apology beneath V's words elicits a beaming smile from you as you shake your head. Dread fills the pit of Jumin's stomach.  "It's not troubling me that I worry about, you know? I just want you to have a smooth recovery. If anything, I'll be with you every step of the way."

 

The usually composed executive director **SNAPS**.

 

"There's no need for that. I can hire someone to help him around when it comes the time."

 

"You don't have to go out of your way to do that, Jumin. Really _!!_ I don't mind caring for V at all." The way your features brightened with a simple smile **CRACKS** his heart. He adores your determination and vigor to help others. ( ~~He hates that it won't be directed at him~~.) "Besides, I'm sure V would prefer to have the company of someone he knows."

 

It's hard to miss the way V peers at you with brimming affection.  
(How is it that you still don't see it?)

 

**Jumin Han sees it much too clearly.**

 

 

"-- ..Then I'll be in your care."

 

' _I can't let you leave me_ _. You're the only one who understands._ '

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahah a who didn't see this coming from a mile away


	6. within darkness.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \--- there's always a light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can V be a real person yet??? i want to take care of him
> 
> this part's more written from v's perspective!!

_DARKNESS_.

 

It's all he's seen for the past _two weeks_. With the lack of vision he had to begin with, V had assumed that adapting to blindness would be fairly easy. ( _He misses the greying colors he had the privilege of seeing before_.) Ears pick up the sound of the door unlocking before quietly creaking ajar, his cheek turning towards the sound of you shuffling. Your presence has been a comfort within these days filled with _noir_ , the photographer genuinely grateful to have kindness bestowed upon him during these troubling times.

 

"You're back."

 

"Sorry it took so long! The line at the market was filled with bargaining housewives." A smile curves his lips pleasantly at your quip, taking in the sound of plastic bags rustling as you start to put things away in the kitchen. "Did you enjoy your time alone?"

 

Already he is reaching for his guiding cane, fingers grasping tightly onto its curve as he stood up from the couch to make his way towards you. "You say that as if I don't enjoy your company. It's quite the opposite." His hand extends forward to feel for the frame of the small kitchen's entrance, finding comfort once the photographer realizes where he's standing. "It's a little difficult to tell whether or not you're joking or serious."

 

"It's a joke! A joke. You don't need to _see_ me to know that, do you?" you remark, and he easily imagines the lovely smile gracing your features. ( _He wants to see it with his eyes_.) There's a selfish satisfaction bubbling within him at knowing that you're **familiar** with his humble abode. The way you so effortlessly made your way around as if you've lived here with him made his heart beat sporadically.

 

 _How is he to explain the butterflies fluttering in his stomach?_  
( ~~WHATABOUTRIKA~~?)

 

"Maybe not. But it'd be nice to see you."

 

He knows you've _stilled_ after his hushed confession. The warmth on his own cheeks only prove that what he's said may be taken beyond friendship. "Isn't it natural to want to be able to see after losing that privilege?" A cough slips past his mouth as he turns away from you and starts to make his way back to the living room. The usual light patter of your feet is weighted down as you approach him, the fragile clinking of teacups answering his silent query.

 

"You must be excited to remove your bandages, then."

 

"Yes -- and a little nervous." A low chortle parts his lips as he listens to you settle down beside him, the warmth of your side making his soul uneasy in a pleasant manner. "I know the doctor said the operation went well, but I can't help but be a bit of a pessimist."

 

"I'm sure you're fine, V."

 

"You sound so certain. Why is that?"

 

"It's hard to explain." Tea is poured into white porcelain as you speak, a soothing lilt in your voice as you continue. "And I know it's hard to just _believe_ that it's true, but I think you deserve to be well. The doctor's already given the ' _okay_ ', your eyes haven't been acting up the last two weeks. Those are good signs, aren't they? I'm sure once we remove them in a little bit, you'll be able to see for yourself."

 

You never fail to ease the weight off his shoulders with careful words. Practiced in the arts of _charisma_ , he thinks. ( _Every word you speak leaves a delightful ring._ )

 

"Then, do you mind if we remove it now?"

 

" -- .. Now?"

 

He understands the surprise beneath your tone. After all, he had been the one to emphasize on _waiting_ just a little longer, despite the fact that he could have taken it off this morning. (Who can blame him for being **SCARED**?)

 

 _But he so desperately wants to see._  
( **He wants to see _you_**.)

 

To see your rosy lips curve into the most gorgeous simper. To see the clarity in your eyes, the pink flush of warm cheeks. He wants to be able to  _take it all in_ and never have to let go. (' _ ~~Did you forget about~~ ** ~~Rika~~** ~~? Wasn't she -- ...~~ ~~ **isn't**~~_ ~~ _she still dear to you_?'~~ ) His heart _twists_ painfully, the words he wanted to so easily slip out leaves in a moment of hesitation.

 

' ... _Is it wrong to move forward?_ '

 

How many years has it been since he's felt at peace? To have to wake up and encourage himself to be as he normally is without falter? _Living day by day, watching **her** disintegrate before his very eyes. _ Heart _cracking_ as she pushes him away, **TORTURING** him with her very being. ( _When did his sun grow dark_?)

 

He feels the palm of your hand rest atop his, and the worries seem to glide away. It's only been three months since everything first started, and yet he feels as if he's known you for most of his life. It never fails to leave him in awe, how quickly you're able to quell his fears. Lips pull into a gentle smile at your comforting gesture, his confidence to speak now back in full force.

 

"I want to believe in your confidence. Do you mind taking them off for me now?"

 

You're quiet afterwards, a lingering silence suffocating him as he awaits your response. There's a slow intake of air, and he wonders if you would deny it. But the way you reassuringly squeeze his hand makes his shoulders relax -- _and he knows everything will be okay_.

 

"Okay. So long as you're ready."

 

"I'm ready."

 

He hears you stand from your seat on the couch, his back straightening as he anticipates your next movement with bated breath. Fingers weave through a crown of turquoise hair before traveling down to brush against covered eyes. Slender digits seek out the beginnings of the white bandages ( _An_ _action he's gotten used to the past two weeks after many daily changes_.) and victoriously find its way to unravel the dark away from his vision.

 

 _Forever_ passes before the last of it slips off his face to tangle around his shoulders, revealed eyes still closed off from the world. A smile lingers on your lips as you see the entirety of his face again -- _you can't ignore the way your heart cries out for him._ (Please, let me **stay**.) With careful fingers do you remove the long white strip that obscured him with shadows, and as soon as the deed is done, he _wavers_.

 

"There. All set." He relishes in your soft touch as you tuck strands of aquamarine behind his ear. "Ready to see the world again?"

 

Slowly, he breathes.

 

And with an ounce of surety, he allows himself to be reborn into a world of colors again. Never had he seen such clear **worry** in another's gaze for him. He takes in the pretty _pink_ of your lips, parted in awe as you stare at him intently. He adores the way your disheveled hair frames your face as you peer at him from beneath your lashes.

 

 _His clear, blue ocean eyes._ No longer a dull haze, but a light azure that pierces right through you. As if he can see your every thought and desire.

 

For once more in his life, he can take in the little _details_ again. Your every eyelash, the gentle bite of your lower lip, the way your skin flushes a healthy peach color. **He wants to savor it all**.

 

Salty tears travel down his cheeks as he releases choked laughter. He can see again. The dull grey that his world had become is now bright and sparkling, urging him to journey through its every nook and cranny. Overwhelmed by his own emotions, he forgets how to speak for a moment and simply grants himself the chance to _cry_. Not out of despair or horror.

 

Out of pure _HAPPINESS_.  
( & you are right there with him.)

 

" _I'm ready._ "

 

_**'** So long as you are there beside me.'_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i ju st,,,,, want them to be happy


	7. making amends.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> because you can't fix the past, but you can help change the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plotplot plot pl o t
> 
> also it's good to have zen's piano theme looping in the background as you read this!!!!

He's _nervous_. (And why _wouldn't_ he be?)

 

The amiable dialogue around him is inaudible as V finds himself worrying than conversing with his companions. Zen's self praise and Yoosung's whining leave the atmosphere crisp and light-hearted, despite the heavy weight upon his shoulders. Ocean blue eyes glance over at the identical twins sitting across from him, an uncomfortable tingle crawling beneath his skin. Their amusement and laughter should quench his concerns, but it simply amplifies.

 

Saeran and Saeyoung Choi.

 

He remembers the first time he laid eyes upon the crown of messy crimson hair during his usual Sunday routine. Amidst the regular prayers had been one of a younger boy, seeking for a better place in the world with his brother. ( _They_ were supposed to grant that wish.)

 

~~...Had it ever truly been fulfilled?~~

 

His gut clenches, remembering the expression of utter betrayal that had twisted the younger man's face upon realization of what had happened to his twin. And who is he to blame him? V had broken a promise. Blinded by his devotion to Rika. Allowing not only himself to fall, but those he had sworn to protect. 

 

The warmth of your hand resting atop of his pulls him away from his insecurities to rest tired eyes on your gentle visage. You offer a sweet, reassuring smile -- one he has a difficult time returning. The passing months had only made the guilt worsen, a painful reminder of why he had selfishly left himself blind to the world. 

 

He's ashamed of his inability to confront his fears and conflicts. (When will he stop _running away_?)

 

"Are you feeling okay?"

 

His delicate simper doesn't fool you. 

 

"I'm fine. Just need to use the restroom for a moment." 

 

The warmth of the photographer's presence fades as he pulls away, leaving you with no choice but to let him go. A soft sigh parts your lips as you rub at the back of your neck gingerly. Saeyoung's intense gaze from beneath striped glasses largely contrast the playful banter leaving his lips as his eyes follow the older male's form out the door. 

 

"Saeyoung?" The twin's gaze averts, peering at a similar pair of contemplative golden eyes. Saeran's lack of words are made up for by a concerned gleam beneath narrowed eyes. A small smile curves the hacker's restless features before he glances from his brother to you. The silent exchange zooms over the oblivious Zen and Yoosung's heads as they continue to converse between each other. There is a quiet plea beneath your knowing stare as you encourage 707 with a simple shrug towards the door, urging him to follow after.

 

' _You wanted to make amends, didn't you? This is your chance._ '

 

With a nervous gulp and a soft groan, he mutters a quiet excuse to allow himself time to use the bathroom. The slightest tug brings him to a pause, his younger sibling's nod of affirmation giving him the confidence to move forward. (After all, the one who had hurt the most had been _SAERAN_ , hadn't it?)

 

And if stubborn Saeran can let go of the past and move on, why can't he?  
_It's time to set a good example._

 

He slips out of the room, closing the door behind him before resting his back against it. Taking in a deep breath, he prays that his heart is ready for the tension and conflict to come. Although he had been nothing but volatile after the discovery that V had not fulfilled his promise, their time apart from one another had given him a chance to deliberate. It had been overwhelming in the beginning, having to take care of his unstable sibling while pushing his other worries away.

 

The devastating reveal that _RIKA_ had been the one behind it.  
The corrupted Mint Eye. 

 

His brainwashed brother so willing to pull the trigger.

 

And V, in the center of it all. Keeping it a secret from him.  
Putting on that **FAKE** smile and leaving him feeling reassured.

Letting him pretend that everything was okay.  
Making him believe that _Saeran_ had been fine.  
( _ ~~Protecting him~~_.)

 

He hated it all so much.

 

He remembers your hesitant smile, the way you reached out to him despite how easily he found it in himself to push you away as if you meant **nothing** to him while sitting on the floor of Rika's apartment. You are, perhaps, the only one determined enough to dig under his skin in order to become truly aware of his circumstances. No one else in the RFA could possibly understand him as well as you do -- your tenacious kindness and genuine compassion all but striking a chord in his dulled heart.

 

In those short eleven days you had joined the RFA, you managed to break through the walls he had so carefully built up. He yearns now for your thoughts, your desire to help him with his endeavors. And when you had been shot, he had finally come to understand the emotional state you had put him in.

 

He wants to care for you, just as much as he does with Saeran. You've become so dear to him now that there are days he ponders what life had been like before you appeared. His nightmare of a past now serves as a reminder of just how beautiful life has become these past couple of months. 

 

Though his younger sibling's teasing remarks indicate that his feelings may be that of a romantic love, Saeyoung knows better than to believe so. His heart doesn't stutter out of discomfort or embarrassment when you rest your head against him after a long day of work. Instead, he finds familial comfort in the way you instinctively rely on him. It fills him with unconditional joy in knowing that his recovering brother has also found a sense of relief in your presence. (No matter how INDIFFERENT Saeran displays himself to be before you.)

 

And as he rests his back along the wall beside the bathroom door, he reminds himself _why_ he's standing here in the first place -- ready to confront V. ( _READY TO MOVE ON_.)

 

He pictures Saeran's smiling face. _YOUR_ smiling face.

 

 **He knows this is the right thing to do**.

 

 

 

As the bathroom door clicks open, revealing the familiar crown of teal locks, Saeyoung Choi readies himself. He takes in a deep breath before straightening up, golden hues peering into surprised aquamarine. He can't help the amused smile that quirks his lips as the usually composed photographer is left stammering his name quietly upon realization that he's been waited upon.

 

"Ah, Luciel .. "

 

A hand raises up in greeting.

 

"Hey. Can we talk?"

 

 

 

 

 _It's time to move forward_.

 

 

The lonely hacker isn't so lonely anymore.  
(No, he has a family to call his own.)

 

 **He adores the RFA the most**. And this time, he'll protect the people most important to him without running away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been thinking of making a V blog on tumblr!! y'know, for people to send asks in so i can draw cute little responses. good idea??? bad idea??? 
> 
> EDIT: so the!! tumblr blog is a current WIP but it's http://asking-v.tumblr.com/ !!!! 
> 
> (also yes to 707 and v making up)


End file.
